"I'm not always depressed... only when I think or feel." -Ashleigh Brilliant

With the streak of seemingly unfortunate events that have hit my life in the past few months, i'm left wondering, whats the point. Sometimes, A person just can't take anymore. It seems, as I lay here in the dark, that i've been handed all I can take. As hard as I try to look for the light to end all misery, I find myself still wandering around in the dark. Recently, I find myself wanting to stay in bed most of the time. I don't want to face the world. My family. my friends. Why should I? They don't understand. They can't understand. They won't understand. If just for a moment, I could feel a shred of happiness, I would wrap it up and put it in my pocket. I would hope that it would never leave. But i'm not that fortunate. I've compiled a new list of confessions. A list of feelings, so I can try to piece them together. Try to make sense of my life.

I confess that I need to go to counseling

I confess that I need to stop drinking

I confess that I don't want to face another day

I confess that I miss my dad dearly

I confess that I feel very guilty about how I was when i was younger, and how much more time I could of shared of with him

I confess that when I was taking a bath, I wanted to sink into the tub, cover my head in water, close my eyes, and never come back up

I confess that its nice to be alone

I confess that its nice to not have to smile and look pleased

I confess that I find it a depressing just to look out the window at the whirling snow

I confess that when i've cried in the recent days, i've only let a few tears escape. I haven't been in the mood to go on a crying jag

I confess that I'm upset and disappointed with my mom

I confess that my little brother deserves better

I confess that I don't want help

I confess that I scare myself

I confess that I want nothing more than to be happy

I confess that I'm scared of my future

I confess that I want to go back to school

I confess that I'm tired more often than ever

I confess that sickness has gotten the best of me, and i'm ill most of the time

I confess that I feel unpretty

I confess that even my silhouette isn't good enough for me

I confess that I'm less of a person than i was a few years back