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“I start to feel like I can’t maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don’t know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don’t know the answer, I know only that I can’t. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am twenty one and I am already exhausted." --Elizabeth Wurtzel

Sometimes, in life, things just don't always seem to look up for a person. Lately, my life seems to be turning upside down. It just keeps spiraling downwards, moving faster with each breath I take. One would think that I would be happy. I have so much to look forward to. So much to keep going for. Yet, everyday gets harder and harder. My mind just can't rest. I can't seem to make myself happy. No matter what I do. Sometimes, I just feel like screaming at the top of lungs. Other times I feel like locking myself in the bathroom, and never coming out. I decided to write a 'confessions' blog. Keep track of my emotions because I'm terrified to talk to my family or friends directly about the things that have been going on. I'm afraid of what they'll say. I don't want to be blamed. Its not my fault. Really. I try to be happy. I try too look up. Tell myself that it will get better tomorrow. But it just doesn't. So with that, I confess...

I confess that I think that I need to not drink.

I confess that I care too much about what people think of me.

I confess that I dream too much, and try too little.

I confess that I sometimes I wish I were completely by myself so that I could move really far away.

I confess that I enjoy being alone.

I confess that I am terrified of the day that I wake up and Papa is no longer with us. I am terrified of the heartache it will cause.

I confess that I want to move to NYC, go to NYU, get a double major in journalism and english with a minor in music, work for a magazine while in school, and move on to start my own music magazine after.

I confess that I don't think I can ever reach that dream.

I confess that I want to see a shrink.

I confess that I am scared to get married.

I confess that I have no money, and that I am afraid of how the future will be financially.

I confess that I hate my job, and wouldn't be the least bit upset if Target blew up.

I confess that I feel depressed most of the time.

I confess that I hate my name, and want more than anything to change it.

I confess that I am afraid to chase my dreams because I don't want my family to think i'm making the wrong choice because its not the choice they'd make.

I confess that I am always tired.

I confess that I want to be a band. I want to give it all I have, and put out what little talent I have.

I confess that I have been searching for an emotional outlet, and have been finding music to be a decent answer.

I confess that I get to upset too easily.

I confess that lately, I have been getting upset at Ked and Quinn over things that should not warrant being angry.

I confess that I am sorry for any pain or heartache I may have caused any family or friends.

I confess that I just want to be happy.

I confess that I am scared of my life to come, and that I have no idea what road it may head down.

"Fun is good" --Dr. Seuss

On Thursday May 31, 2007, Kayla and I embarked on a musical journey. I hopped in my car at about 2pm on Thursday afternoon. I hit the interstate in less than 20 minutes, and was on my way. Traffic was TERRIBLE! It took me nearly 2 hours to get to Denver. The drive to Denver should take no more than an hour. Finally I arrived in Arvada, and met up with Shannon and Kayla. I got a make-over at the mall, and then we all split ways. I followed Kayla to her house, where we got ready for the concert.

Thirty minutes later, we were out the door and on our way to the liquor store. We got a bottle of blue raspberry UV vodka, and a crapload of Taco Bell, then headed back to her house.

After the scrumptious heart attack-waiting-to-happen dinner, and a shot (or two... or four), we were off to the show. Generally I hate the Gothic Theatre, and won't attend there, but this show was an exception. We arrived at the venue, parked a few blocks away, and enjoyed a few more shots before heading in.

We walked down to the concert venue, and found a nice spot right off the stage on the right hand side. The first band had already started playing. I had never heard them before, but they were definately impressive! We found out part way through the set that they were called Resident Hero and that they were the only unsigned band to tour with Flyleaf. They were amazing!

After Resident Hero, Kill Hannah made way onto the stage. I'd never really heard a whole lot from them, but I was certainly impressed! They played a rockin set, and I was completely entertained the whole time! SHINY! They had lazers on the end of their guitars! I couldn't stop watching!

Following Kill Hannah, was Sick Puppies. I was looking forward to seeing this band live. And, it was worth the wait. They absolutely blew me away! I could not believe the amazing amounts of energy that was radiating off of this band. They were so badass!

Kayla and I made our way towards the merch booth, and started chatting with the band. The chick from Sick Puppies gave me a devil head shaped guitar pick. It was made of total awesomeness.

After a kick-ass set with Sick Puppies, Flyleaf made an appearance! I made my way to the front and center of the stage. Flyleaf had so much energy and such great stage presence, that I was lost in the music, and didn't even notice myself flying around the mosh pit. It was absolutely amazing.

When the show was over and done with, Kayla and I hit up the bar for some water. I was about to pass out due to my over exertion of dancing/jumping/and needlessly slamming into other people, with a tad bit of heat stroke..... Ok, so maybe it wasn't heat stroke, but I certainly was hot and sweaty, and I definitely felt like I was going to pass out.

Once we finished our waters, we headed back to the car, and made our way back to Kaylas. After arriving at her house, we said our goodbyes, and parted ways. I hopped into my car, and made the hour long trek back home.

Overall, I must say this is one of the greatest shows I have been to so far. I give all four bands a huge thumbs up, and best wishes to Resident Hero on the opportunities that lay ahead.