"Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to." --John Ed Pearce

Christmastime. A time of happiness, love, peace, and joy. A time, most often, spent with family, and surrounded by those we love. Among the sounds of laughter, piles of presents, inches and feet of snow, trees of lights, and plates of food, is a sense of home, comfort, and peace.

Last night, Christmas Eve, I felt a feeling of 'home' for the first time in my life. And I wanted nothing more than to stay there. I even asked, jokingly of course, if I could. I got the joking answer back of "Aww! Ash misses her mommy and wants to come home!". I couldn't ever admit it, but it was true. I did miss home. I still miss home. I miss having a sense of familiarity.

At the same time, I crave change. I want something different, bigger, better. I want to be far from here, and never having to look back. I long for days in the big city, away from the rural fields and cows. I want everything, home is not.

On a different note, I got everything I'd asked for this year. I got a coat, an outfit, a hat, and a calendar. I saw my whole family. I had time with my daughter, my brother, kim, everyone i could want to see. The food was great. The chats were awesome. Yet, I'm not happy. I'm quite opposite, to be frank. Misery doesn't even begin to describe it. I wish I knew what were wrong with me.