“I start to feel like I can’t maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don’t know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don’t know the answer, I know only that I can’t. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I’ve had it. I am so tired. I am twenty one and I am already exhausted." --Elizabeth Wurtzel

Sometimes, in life, things just don't always seem to look up for a person. Lately, my life seems to be turning upside down. It just keeps spiraling downwards, moving faster with each breath I take. One would think that I would be happy. I have so much to look forward to. So much to keep going for. Yet, everyday gets harder and harder. My mind just can't rest. I can't seem to make myself happy. No matter what I do. Sometimes, I just feel like screaming at the top of lungs. Other times I feel like locking myself in the bathroom, and never coming out. I decided to write a 'confessions' blog. Keep track of my emotions because I'm terrified to talk to my family or friends directly about the things that have been going on. I'm afraid of what they'll say. I don't want to be blamed. Its not my fault. Really. I try to be happy. I try too look up. Tell myself that it will get better tomorrow. But it just doesn't. So with that, I confess...

I confess that I think that I need to not drink.

I confess that I care too much about what people think of me.

I confess that I dream too much, and try too little.

I confess that I sometimes I wish I were completely by myself so that I could move really far away.

I confess that I enjoy being alone.

I confess that I am terrified of the day that I wake up and Papa is no longer with us. I am terrified of the heartache it will cause.

I confess that I want to move to NYC, go to NYU, get a double major in journalism and english with a minor in music, work for a magazine while in school, and move on to start my own music magazine after.

I confess that I don't think I can ever reach that dream.

I confess that I want to see a shrink.

I confess that I am scared to get married.

I confess that I have no money, and that I am afraid of how the future will be financially.

I confess that I hate my job, and wouldn't be the least bit upset if Target blew up.

I confess that I feel depressed most of the time.

I confess that I hate my name, and want more than anything to change it.

I confess that I am afraid to chase my dreams because I don't want my family to think i'm making the wrong choice because its not the choice they'd make.

I confess that I am always tired.

I confess that I want to be a band. I want to give it all I have, and put out what little talent I have.

I confess that I have been searching for an emotional outlet, and have been finding music to be a decent answer.

I confess that I get to upset too easily.

I confess that lately, I have been getting upset at Ked and Quinn over things that should not warrant being angry.

I confess that I am sorry for any pain or heartache I may have caused any family or friends.

I confess that I just want to be happy.

I confess that I am scared of my life to come, and that I have no idea what road it may head down.